English as she is spoke - Anecdotes

Anecdotes

            Siward, duke of Northumberland, being very ill, though, he was unworthy of their courage to expect the death in a bed, he will die the arms on the hands. As he felt to approach herlast hour he was commanded to hers servants to arm of all parts, and they were put him upon a armchair, keeping the bare-sword. He was challenged the death as a blusterer.

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            Cuttler, a very rich man too many avaricious, commonly he was travel at a horse, and single for to avoid all expenses. In the evening at to arrive at the inn did feign to be indispose, to the end that one bring him the supper. He did ordered to the stable knave to bring in their room some straw, for to put in their boots he made to warm her bed and was go lo sleep. When the servant was draw again, he come up again, and with the straw of their boots, and the candle what was leave him he made a small fire where he was roast a herring what he did keep of her pocket. He was always the precaution one to provide him self of a small of bread and one bring up a water bottle, and thus with a little money.

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            A blind did hide five hundred crowns in a corner of their garden; but a neighbour, which was perceive it, did dig up and took its. The blind not finding more her money, was suspect that might be the robed, but one work for take again it? He was going find the neighbour, and told him that he came to get him a council; than he was a thousand crowns which the half was hided into a sure part and I don't know if want, if to put the remains to the same part. The neighbour was council him so and was hasten to carry back that sum, in the hope soon to draw out a thousand. But the blind having finded the money, was seized it, having called her neighbour, he told him: "Gossip, the blind saw clearer than this that may have two eyes."

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            A man one's was presented at a magistrate which had a considerable library. "What you make?" beg him the magistrate. "I do some books," he was answered. "But any of your books I did not seen its. — I believe it so, was answered the author; I mak nothing for Paris. From a of my works is imprinted, I send the edition for America; I don't compose what to colonies."

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            The Genoa republic, having dared to brave Lewis XIV, was forced to send at France, for to excuse him self to the monarch, the doge accompanied of four senators, who was without exemple. One was done see to this doge Versailles into all her splendour; then one did beg him what was strike him more in that enchanted side: "It is to meet my self thither," he was answered.

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            One eyed was laied against a man which had good eyes that he saw better than him. The party was accepted. "I had gain, over said the one eyed; why I see you two eyes, and you not look me who one.

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            A english lord was in their bed, tormented cruelly of the gout, when was announced him a pretended physician, which had a remedy sure against that illness. "That doctor came in coach or on foot?" was request the lord. "On foot," was answered him the servant. "Well, was replied the sick, go tell to the knave what go back one's self, because if he was the remedy, which he exalt him self, he should roll a coach at six horses, and I would be send for him my self and to offer him the half part of my lands for to be delivered of my sickness."

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                The actor Dominick seing present one's self to a supper of Lewis XIV, he had the eyes fixed over a certain plat of partridges. That prince, who had perceived it, told to the officer which was taken away: "Who one give this plat to the Dominick. — What, sir! and the partridges also?" Thus Dominick, for this dexterous request, have had, with the partridges, the plat, which was of gold.

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                A first actor of the Opera seing fall sick in the time from a new representation, was choiced for to succeed him, a subaltern actor. This sang, and was whistled; but, without to be disconcerted, he had looked fixedly the parterre and told him: "I don't conceive you; and you ought to imagine than, for six hundred pounds that I receive every year, I shall go to give you a voice of thousand crowns?"

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                A duchess accused of magic being interrogated for a commissary extremely unhandsome, this was beg him setae one she had look the devil. 'Yes, sir, 1 did see him, was answer the duchess, and he was like you as two water's drops."

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                A little master frizzeled, perfumed and covered of gold, had leaded to the church, for to marry, a coquethish to the dye glistening the parson, having considered a minute that disfigured couple, told him: "Now before to pronounce the coujungo, let avow me for fear of quiproquo, which from both is the bride?

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                One told to a religious, already at to ambark one's self on the sea: "Don't torment you of any thing in a storm, as long as the sailors, shall jure and will blaspheme: but they could embrace, if they beg pardon reciprocally tremble you." This religious scarce at sea, that had raised a storm. The good father uneasy, was send some times a companion of their order to the hatchway, to the end what he might bring back him the discourse of the sailors. "Ah! my dearest father, all is lost, the brother come to tell him; these unappies made horrible imprecations, you would trembled to hear them; theirs blasphemes only are enough formake be lose the vessel. — God be loved, told the father! go, all shall go well"

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                A traveller, which a storm had benumb of cold, he come in a field's inn, and find it so fill of companies that he cannot to approach of the chimney. "What carry to the my horse a oyster's basket," tell him to the host. "to your horse cry out this. Do you think that he wake eating them? — Make what I command you," reply the gentleman. At the words, all the assistants run to the stable, and our traveller he get warm him self. Gentleman, tell the host coming again, I shall have lay it upon my head the horse will not it. — So, take again the traveller, which was very warmed one's, then it must that I eat them."

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                A protestant minister, very choleric, was explained to the children the Pentateuco; but arriving at the article Balaam. A young boy commence to laugh. The minister with indignation, chide, threaten, and endeavour one's to prove that a ass was can speak especeallywhen he saws before him a angel armed from a sword. The little boy continue to laungh more strong. The minister had flied into passion, and give a kick the child, which told him weeping: "Ah! I admit that the ass of Balaam did spoken, but he not did kicks."

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                A such gentleman, noble as the catholic king and as the pope, but poor as Job, was arrived for night into a France village where there is not that a single inn. As it was more midnight, he knock long to the door from that inn before to may awake the host; in end, he did get uphim, by dint of hubbut. "Who is there?" cry the host for window. "It is, told the Espagnishman, don Juan-Pedro-Fermandez-Rodriguez of Villa-Nova, conde of Badajoz, caballero de Santiago y d'Alcantara." The host was answered him immediately in skating the window. "Sir, I feel too mach, but we have not rooms enough for to lodge all these gentlemen."

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                A young man to which Cornelius made agreeded her daughter in marriage, being obliged for the state of theirs business to renounce that, come in the morning to the fatter for draw out her wood go till her cabinet, and expose him the motives of her conduit. "Ah! gentleman, reply Cornelius, don't you can without interrup me, to talk of that at my wife? Go up to the her room, I not unterstand at all these affairs."

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                Two friends who from long they not were seen meet one's selves for hazard. "How do is thou? told one of the two. — No very well, told the other, and I am married from that I saw thee." Good news! — "Not quit, because I had married with a bad woman." — So much worse! "Not so much great deal worse; because her dower was from two thousand lewis." — Well, that comfort. —"Not absolutely; why I had emploied this sum for to buy some muttons, which are all dead, of the rot." — That is indeed very sorry! —" Not so sorry, because the selling of hers hide have bring me above the price of the muttons." — So you are then indemnified?" Not quit, because my house where I was deposed my money, finish to be consumed by the flames." — Oh I here is a great misfortune! — "Not so great nor I either, because my wife and my house are burned together."

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                A  man of the court being very ill and charged from debts, told to her confessor, what the single grace which he had to beg to God was that migh please to prolong her life even what he might have paied all that he did indebt. — "This motive is so good, answer the confessor, that there is occasion to stop who God hear favourable your prayer. Wither God made me that grace, was answered the sick, I would be immortal."

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                A Lady, which was to dine, chid to her servant that she not had used butter enough. This girl, for to excuse him selve, was bing a little cat on the hand, and told that she came to take him in the crime, finishing to eat the two pounds from butter who remain. The Lady took immediately the cat, was put into the balances it had not weighed that one an half pound.

 

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                A tavern-keeper not had fail to tell theirs boys, spoken of these which drank at home since you will understand: — "Those gentlemen to sing in chorus, give them the less quality's wine."

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                A countryman which came through to Paris upon the bridge to the change, not had perceived merchandises in several shops. The curiosity take him, he come near of a exchange desk: — "Sir, had he beg from a look simple, tell me what you sell." The loader though that he may to divert of the personage: — "I sell, was answered him ass's heads." — "Indeed, reply to him the countryman, you make of it a great sale, because it not remains more but one in your shop."

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                The sophist Zenon, the most hardy of all men at to sustain some paradoxes, was denied one day, before Diogenes, the evidence of the motion. This was put him self immediately to make two or three turns in the session-house.

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                The commander Forbin of Janson being at a repast with a celebrated Boileau, had undertaken to pun him upon her name:— "What name, told-him, carry you thither? Boileau; I would wish better to call me Drink wine." The poet was answered him in the same tune: — "And you, sir, what name have you choice? Janson; I should prefer to be named John-Meal. The meal don't is valuable better than the furfur?"

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                Santeuil, afterwards to have read one of theirs hymnes at two friends, was cried of a tone of a demoniac: —" Here is what may call verses! Virgil and Horatio was imagined that no body, after them, not did dare to compose some verses in their language. It is sure that these two princes of the latin poesy, after to have cut for to tell so, the orange in two, and to have pressed it, have throwed out it; but I ran next to the orange, crying wait for: Sir Mantua poet, and you favourite from Marinas, expect; I will to do it in tests."

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                A gentleman of the court, great joker of nature, was resolved to delay a hold courtier, and to ask him what may signify these three words: trifle, obole, and parable. The courtier that he had provoked, and which had beak and nails, he had answer him wit hout hesitate; "Trifle, it is what you say; obole, it is what you are valuable, and parabola, it is what we not understand nor you either me."

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                Alexander, was see to work Apelles in their work-shop, and was resolved to speak painting. But he had play of very bad, Apelles told him laughing: "Be quite, my lord, you does to laugh the boys which grind the colours."

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                A physician eighty years of age had enjoied of a health unalterable. Theirs friends did him of it compliments every days: "Mister doctor, they said to him, you are admirable man. What you make then for to bear you as well? -- I shall tell you it, gentleman he was answered them, and I exhort you in same time at to follow my exemple. I live of the product of my ordering without take any remedy who I command to my sicks."

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                Two fines spirits of profession both two greats philosophers and warm disputers, were to dine to France marshal who, satisfied to be a good warrior, did not offended him self not quite to be learned, to the middle of the entertainment, here are my philosophers to be fighting; they begin at to animate one's one gainst other, and keep him upon a tone which had get out of the bounds from a dissertation. The marshal seing who the contest was degenerate in a quarelle, he had put silence at two fine spirits, telling them bluntly: "Demon! gentlemen, go take and wolk with your contests; will you do me rediculous in the world? They shall tell that may have spoken at my house from philosophy."

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                John II, Portugal king, had taken hir party immediately. He had in her court castillians ambassadors coming for treat of the peace. As they had keeped in leng the negotiation, he did them two papers in one from which he had wrote peace, and on the other war, telling them: "Choice you."

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                I tike the answer that had make a Venice ambassador to an emperor which do the arms of that republic, was beg him in which part of world one fond some winged lions such as those what one see into the armoiries of the venitians States. "They are did answered the ambassador, in the same countries where one see some eagles with two heads."

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                A young man had done latins verses what he had showed at a half learned. That was from a dealt liking; he was clashed of the word posthac and had pretended what it was prosaic. The author did sustained that it was poetic, and that he had a good guarantee of that he told. The obstinate censor, one had warmed upon that had accused the garntee of ignorance; but the young man was answered by their Virgil verses:

            Efficiam posthac ne quamquam voce lacessas.

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                A countryman was confessed to the parson to have robbed a mutton at a farmer of her neighbourhood. "My friend, told him the confessor, it mast to return, or you shall not have the absolution.— But, repply the villager, I had eated him. — So much worse, told hint the pastor; you vill be the devil sharing; because in the wide vale where me ought to appear we before God every one shall spoken against you, even the mutton. How reply the countryman, the mutton will find in that part? I am very glad of that; then the restituition shall be easy, since I shall not have to tell to the farmer: "Neighbour take your mutton again."

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            The Scarron poet, being almost to die, told their servants, which were weeping about a front her bed: "My children, you have sheded too many tears, you not shall veep as much as I had done to laugh."

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                A beggar, to Madrid, had solicited the pity of a passenger. "You are young and strong, told him that man; it would be better to work as you deliver to the business who you do. — It is money as I beg you, repply immediately the proud beggar, and not councils."

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                A astrologer having predicted the death from a woman who Lewis XI was liked, and the hazard having justified her prediction, the king made come the astrologer: "Thy self what foresee all, told him when thou shall die? The astrologer warned, or suspecting who this prince bent him a gin, told him: "I will die three days before your Majesty." The fear and the king's superstition was prevailed him upon the resentment; he took a particular care of this dexterous impostor.

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                One day Lewis XI having meeted Mylos of Ilieres, Chartre's bishop, going on a mule harnessed magnificently: It is not was in equipage told him what didwalk the bishops of another time they were contents of a ass or of a she-ass, what they lead for the halter. — That is true, sir, had answer the bishop; but that it was good in the time who the kings had not that a sheep-hook, and took care of muttons."

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                A roman soldier had a process, he had asked at Augustus to protect him, the emperor gave hima of their courtiers for to lead him to the judges the soldeirwas audacious enough for to tell at Augustus: "I have not made use so my lord with you, when you were in danger in the battle of Actium; I self had combated from you." Telling these words he had discovered the wound who he had keeped. This reproach had touched at August in such amanner that he was him self to the bar to defend that soldier.

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                The pope Leon X had received of the hands from a alchimist a book which the dedicatory epistle was directed him. Since he had open it, he had seen that it had for title: the realy manner to make any gold. He had ordered that bring him immediately a empty purse, which he made present to the alchymist, telling him: "Then you make some gold it won't, what a place for to put it."

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                A man which had eaten so many than six was presented him self before Henry IV, in the hope that this king shall give him what to keep a so great talent. The king which had heard speak already of this illustration eater, did beg him whether what told of hir was true, that he eat as much that six. "Yes, sir," had answered him. "And you work proportionably?" had continued the king. "Sire, repply him, I work so much than another of my force and age. — For shame! tell the king, if I had six men as thy in my kingdom, I should make to hangup of like eaters would have it hungry soon."

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                A patrol had meeted during the night a individual what had carried a wine bottle. This having asked what he had under hir cloak, he and answered jesting: "A poniard. — We will look it," had replied the others. Our man present immediately her bottle, these had taked possession of it and they had given back it empty telling: "Here, as thou art one of our friends, we deliver the scabbard."

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                A judge having ordered at any gendarms to arrest a criminal, this conducted at her presence, was shamness enough far to tell him that he was semed to Pilatus. The judge was answered him: "Condemning a so great rogue as thee, I shall not have at less to wash my hands."

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                The most vertious of the pagans, Socrates, was accused from impiety, and immolated to the fury of the envy and the fanaticism. When relate one's him self that he was been condemned to the death for the Athenians: "And them thold him, they are it for the nature.— But it isan unjustly! cried her woman. "Would thy replied-him that might be justly? "

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                Plato walking one's self' a day to the field with some of their friends. They were to see him Diogenes who was in to water until the chin. The superficies of the water was snowed for the reserve of the hole that Diogenes was made. "Don't look it more told them Plato, and he shall get out soon."

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                Diogenes was meeting him self in a magnificent palace where the gold and the marble were in wery much great. After have considering all the beauties, he began to cough, he made two or three efforts, and did spit against a Phrygian faces which show him hir palace. "My friend, told him, I have not see a place more dirty where I can to spit."

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                A day came a man consult this philosopher for to know at o'clock it was owe to eat. "If thou art rich, told him eat when you shall wish; if you are poor, when you may do."

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            Philip, king's Macedonia, being fall, and seeing the extension of her body drained upon the dust, was cry: "Greats gods! that we may have little part in this univers!"

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                Alphonsus, king's Aragon, did answer at which who did ask him who were their best and their more loyals counsellors, what he don't know others that the books; for these, without to be moved for the intrigue or the interest, they did inform to him all what he was wish to how.

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                Cesar, seing one day to Roma, some strangers very riches, which bore between hir arms little dogs and little monkeies and who was carressign them too tenderly, was asking, with so many great deal reason; whether the women of her country don't had some children?

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                One did exhort Henry IV to treat rigorous by some places of the league, what he had reducted for the force. "The satisfaction that take off of the vengeance not continue than a minute, told this generous prince; but that which is take of the clemency is eternal."

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                Selim I, Turk's emperor, did shove one's self the, in a contrary manner to the use of their ancestros. Some one asking to him the motive of that: "It is to the end who my counsellors not lead me for the beard, as they made to my father."

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                A day Henri IV was harangued for ad ambassador, which began for these words: "Sire, when the great Scipio was arriving near Carthagus." The king was foresee at this beginning length tedious of the discourse, and that wish make to feel it to ambassador, he was interrupt him telling to hir: "When Scipio was arrive to Carthagus, he was dine, and me, I am fasting."

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                At the middle of a night very dark, a blind was walk in the streets with a light on the hand and a full jar upon the back. Some one which ran do meet him, and surprised of that light: "Simple that you are, told him, what serve you this light? The night and the day are not them the same thing by you? — It is not for me, seas answering the blind, that I bring this light, it is to the and that the giddie which seem to you do not come to run against me, and make to break my jar."

 

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