It happened that Mr and Mrs Paragraph, about a year before their niece's arrival in Ireland, had some occasion to go to London, and, in their passage to Parkgate, were in the most imminent danger of being lost, and the ship wrecked. Mr Paragraph's greatest concern was about his worthy Lady, and in the midst of the terror and confusion, which the danger occasioned amongst the passengers and sailors, Mr Paragraph was quite composed, and resigned to his destiny. He used every means in his power to cherish and comfort Mrs Paragraph, who was almost expiring with fear, and the cries and shouts of the numerous passengers on board rendered the scene truly horrible. But this did not in the least affect Mr Paragraph, he was a perfect philosopher; and retiring with his Lady to a private corner of the cabin, took the most affectionate adieu, and at the same time assured her, there was one thing which he could wish to be resolved in before he left this world, and that her answering him a single question would set his mrnd perfectly at rest, and fit it for a passage to the Elysian shades. Mrs Paragraph with astonishment assured him, there was nothing that she could do to contribute to his repose or happiness, which she would not cheerfully comply with, and desired him to explain himself; which he did by the following question: "I beg then to know whether my dear Mrs Paragraph has ever been false to my bed?"

            Which question produced the following reply: "My contempt, Mr Paragraph, for the present shall conquer my indignation. If you were not conscious of some defects on your part, you would not have dared at any time, but particularly on such an occasion as this, to have asked me so presumptuous a question; nor will I answer it otherwise than by assuring you, that whatever has happened, relative to your mean suspicions, shall remain a profound secret in my own bosom, sink or swim." In all probability this conversation would never have been repeated, had not a certain passenger been lying in a hammock just near them; and in the dark they could not perceive him. Mr Paragraph, confounded and abashed, left his lady to get on deck, and learn whether he should be allowed further time to dive into this impenetrable secret, which he had so much at heart; and to his great joy was informed, they were all out of danger, and ready to land, which they did a few hours afterwards at Parkgate; and he hoped and believed, that his cabin conversation was was entirely forgot by Mrs Paragraph, and that he should never hear more about it nor did he ever after, until he was upon the very point of his knighthood.

            Hear, gentle reader, and sympathize in the misfortunes co this worthy man. The person that heard the cabin conversation, was no other than the inimitable, satirical, and wicked Mr Foote; and Mr Paragraph having about this time a dispute with the manager of one of the theatres in Dublin, the cruel and malicious Foote was tempted, by some infernal instigation, to introduce this conversation, with some other severe strictures on the person and character of Mr Paragraph, into his Orators, which rendered him so perfectly ridiculous, that for some months he never went out of his own doors, without being followed by a parcel of boys and rude mob, mimicking this cruel mimic, in the character of Mr Paragraph, and asking him, whether his dear Mrs Paragraph had ever been false to his bed?

            Although it is perfectly disagreeable to relate, yet it is true, that there never was a character exhibited, Cadwallader not excepted, that afforded so much diversion, or met with so much applause. Mr Paragraph could not be persuaded, that Foote could be so inhuman, as to render him an object of such ridicule, and for his conviction, was persuaded by some arch-rogue to get into a private part of the house, and have both ocular and auricular demonstration; which he agreed to. But no soaner had he taken his seat than he was surrounded by such crowds, that he could not get out, of which the cruel Foote had intelligence, and added some strokes of wit and satire, which let the audience know that Mr Paragraph was present, which drew such bursts of applause and laughter, as almost deprived that worthy gentleman of his senses. He got home, and instantly complained to his niece, but neither her authority, nor that of the Viceroy, could suppress the performance for upwards of twenty successive nights.

            Mr Paragraph at length had recourse to the law, and preferred a bill of indictment against Mr Foote for libelling him, which the grand jury immediately found, and by that means the piece was for the present suppressed; but the affair had such an effect on Mr Paragraph, that he would not have attended before his Excellency to be dubbed for the first title in the kingdom, and has ever since remained plain Mr Paragraph.

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